Certain decisions and life changes do not come easy. I have learned that milestone moments are the most painful of them all, with turning points that lead us down paths we never expected. Death changed everything for me. And it is time to move on and rebuild. I will always, always mourn the loss, but I have to fight my way back up and rediscover my strength.
I look ahead, heavily laden with the lessons of yesterday and the experiences of today. My spirit has been ripped apart by those who meant well and those who didn’t care in the first place. But now, as I piece the shards back together, anger, fear, and determination to start over and move on propel me down new roads.
When I went to the Monasterio de Tarlac a couple of weeks ago, I prayed for guidance and to be shown the way. I was offered several paths. So I changed my prayer and asked the Lord to help me choose the right one. Is my choice an answered prayer? There is only one way to find out – walk. Life is a pilgrimage after all, from one milestone to another.
As always, I turn to John O’Donohue for inspiration and wisdom. You have seen this before, if not here then on the old blog.
For A New Beginning
In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the grey promises that sameness whispered,
Heart the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Through your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in rise;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
-John O’Donohue, For A New Beginning from the book Benedictus